I believe that a divine force connects us all. My focus and growth have come from being thankful for what this force provides.
Now... what you call that force depends on you. My mother and my brother Josh would call that force Allah. It's not a separate being from the main source. Allah is the Arabic word for God.
Why I Chose This Topic
I decided to restart and rebrand my blog with this topic because it would give you an idea of what I'm into spiritually. People who know my family automatically believe that I am Muslim because that's what they saw, and they might have witnessed me calling God Allah because that's what I learned.
This is the first time I'm sharing my story for real. My point of view. What I witnessed, what I experienced, and what I believe.
My earliest spiritual memory goes back to when I was four years old. The first thing my mother taught me was divination with playing cards. As time went on, she told me about the gifts that run in her bloodline. When I started to experience supernatural things, she guided me through them. That is the first thing I learned so, if we can be honest, that would be considered my foundation.
Islamic Household
My mother is not here to speak for herself. So Please Note: She died a devout Muslim woman. My intention is not to alter the view my mother left of herself. Because, Once my mother found Islam she was serious about her shit. She bumped her head 5 times a day, covered up modestly, and did everything a Suni Muslim should do. It's just that my mother is the root of my life, I have to mention her.
Christian Baptist
From what I understand, my mother wanted her children to have some faith and belief. I remember her taking us to different churches, searching for something that resonated with her.
I even remember a period when she allowed my siblings and myself to be Baptists. While she was still discovering The Muslim religion. By the time was about 15 or 16 years old. Islamic rules were established in our household but, she wasn't as strict with the older children as she was with the younger ones. So, despite having the knowledge I wasn't on my dean for real.
Universal Belief
When I reached adulthood, my relationship with religion was complicated. I was all over the place with it. I was going to the masjid, I was going to church.
I also was drawn to burning candles, manipulating energy, and anything that seemed mystical.
I embraced a more universal perspective, acknowledging a single creator while allowing my spirit to explore. Not no fucking demon or anything crazy like that, don't screw up my words. I believe in the same God that we are normally taught, that we all come from. That's something that never changed.
The Catalyst: Anxiety and Chakras
A particularly dark time led me to explore a different spiritual path. I was overwhelmed by anxiety attacks. I met a social worker who introduced me to Chakras. I do not remember her name, but she suggested I learn about The Chakra System. That was a life-changing moment for me.
The first chance I got I went to Barnes and Noble in Co-op City (In The Bronx). I don't know if it's still there but that's where I went. I saw a book entitled Chakra Healing by Doreen Virtue.
This book opened a new dimension of existence for me. The experience I had was powerful. The problem was, that the Enlightenment came with fear;
The experiences felt overwhelming for me. I know now it's because I was all over the place spiritually. It scared the shit out of me. I got rid of it.
Over time, I bought that book several times convinced I needed its teachings. Yet, whenever the weight of its message felt too heavy, I would destroy it—burn it, tear it up, or toss it...
Exploring New Spiritual Pathways
Over the years, I got into different spiritual mentors who introduced me to more ideas. Influential figures like Brother Panic and Bob Proctor emphasized unlocking our potential. I began to understand concepts like manifesting and the law of attraction. For instance, I learned that retraining our mindset can lead to significant changes in our lives.
COVID-19 dramatically shifted the world. During that time, I lost both my mother and my baby brother. Anger clinched like a vice grip squeezing out space for faith to thrive, making it hard for me to believe in an unseen God.
I struggled with the idea of God. Was it real, or was it just a comforting idea? Yet, the knowledge I gained about thoughts being matter made sense to me. I realized that if we could manipulate matter into reality through thought, maybe there was more to our existence than we could see.
Turning Towards Faith In The Middle Of Chaos
You cannot ignore loss. A couple of years after losing my mother and baby brother, another brother of mine was tragically killed. The excruciating pain from that brought me back to faith. Because being angry and dodging faith was not working for me. I considered returning to Islam but asked myself: who was I doing that for? What am I comfortable with? I recalled one of the many things my mother said to me, "As long as you don't eliminate God. You'll be fine." Maybe I won't do it her way. I'll do it the way I'm comfortable doing it.
I choose to meditate every morning, I found a way to transform anger, fear, and doubt into understanding, gratitude, and trust. What started as a grounding exercise evolved into a sacred morning routine that allows me to acknowledge my pain while embracing the beauty of life.
The Journey of Transformation
Each phase of my spiritual journey has drawn me closer to the light, despite the darkness of loss. The path isn't always clear, but I've learned that spirituality is not just one thing. It is the combination of all of our connections, experiences, and lessons.
Today, I embrace a fluid spirituality that blends childhood lessons with practices I discovered as an adult.
My main meditation sessions consist of connecting with God and then releasing gratitude into the atmosphere.
This journey isn't solely about following a single doctrine. It is about finding meaning, connection, and gratitude in the middle of life's beautiful chaos. I look forward to exploring this form of light as I maintain my relationship with God.
As I move forward, I'm following my path. I'm not imposing my lifestyle on others. I'm pursuing what I believe works for me. I encourage you to discover your path. Each person's journey is their own to explore.
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